After a conversation last night with my eternally present ex-companion Nadia, with whom I still share a certain amount of things, and whom I have learnt to cope with now thank-god, perspective came back into play, and measures need to be taken.

Things need to be done to make my life more meaningful, so that I can smile at each day.

A certain number of things to set into place, cogwheels, you might say, to build the machine which guides my future. Jobs and plans, semesters and relations. This summer, I absolutely need to find a good job and stick with it, for capitalist reasons, but I also have to work on another summer project, for I and two of my best friends are planning to spend two months in the Great Britain, which for them is a language course to train up, but for me is mainly experience in being English, just to see what it\'s like to live there, and know that I have done it.

I also need to apply myself more to work, for though the results have not yet come through, I know that I have a semester to compensate for. I have to move more in general, instead of slouching around, I should concentrate and do in 30 minutes what I usually do in an hour. Even if most of my semester is programing oriented, it\'s time I started making a mark and wowed a few people. It\'s kind of ironic, I suppose, to be writing an entry on this, when I should really be doing it.

My greatest motivation I think, is to turn back time and return my body to its former self of two and a half years past, when I was first going out with Nadia, who assured me that I was really quite attractive during that period. Painfully though, as I remember, at that period I was forcing myself into some kind of demonic training. Every day I would run at least 4km cross-country, through forests, whatever the weather, whatever the pain, and not stop until I had conquered the distance. I would arrive at home totally wrecked and proceed with fifty press ups and fifty sit ups, and fifty of whatever else came into my mind. Truly hard, but I was pretty happy with my body after that.

It\'s a pity I didn\'t learn how to cook properly, because two years of university life have covered that physique in shapeless evil fat, and though I am not yet fat, I\'m far from fit. I must say though, that my motives aren\'t just personal, and being celibate also plays a role. My intentions, emotion-wise, remain a mystery even to me, and I no longer know weather or not I actually love this girl, or if it\'s just platonic, or even if she and I are matched for anything, but at least with a good physique I won\'t have attractiveness to worry about.